Modern-Day Minstrel

Dodged Bullet

allisonkami — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 21:40:38 +0000

I just had a visit from Dr. Simmang a little while ago, and he said I am cleared to get out of this place. However, I’m having some ileostomy bag seal issues that need to be figured out before I can really leave, and since it’s the weekend none of the ostomy nurses are working. I don’t want to go home leaking body fluids, but I also don’t want to wait around until Monday just because of a leaky bag. I just called the nurse’s station to see if I can get an extra bag kit, and I’m going to see if I can MacGyver this thing onto me so I can get out of here. I figure all I need to do is make it through the weekend, and then hopefully I can get this thing sorted out. All they’re doing here is taping gauze onto me, and I can do that at home. Let’s see if this works.

While I wait for my nurse, here’s the other news from Dr. Simmang. He sent tissue from my colon, rectum, and lymph nodes to the lab for testing, and that pathology report came back today. It turns out that in three of the larger polyps, there were indeed small cancer tumors; two in my colon, one in my rectum. Dr. Simmang says that this is the earliest stage, most superficial cancer we could hope for, and it looks like nothing spread to my lymph nodes or anywhere else. I shouldn’t require any other treatment, but he does want me to meet regularly with an oncologist from here on out so I can continue to get screened for any other issues.

It’s very surreal to realize I actually had colon cancer. This whole time I’ve been operating under the information that this was to prevent cancer, but now it turns out that it actually removed it. As Taylor said, “You dodged the bullet, but not without it grazing your ear.” This brings into a whole new light the miracle that we caught this in time. If we had waited even a year longer, we might have been in big trouble. I had been having symptoms of something being wrong with my insides for the last ten years, and I had been told all I needed was a high fiber diet and probiotics. Praise God I finally went to a doctor who took my symptoms seriously and convinced me to get a colonoscopy!

Update: My nurse brought me a new ileostomy bag kit and told me that if it is leak-free for the next hour, I can go home. If it leaks before then, I’m staying until Monday. This may be my strangest prayer request ever, but please pray that my ileostomy bag would not leak before 4:30pm Central time!

Post-Op

allisonkami — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 14:05:28 +0000

Well, I am colon-less and doing well! It is so evident that I have been prayed for. My surgery actually went better than normal. Standard procedure for this surgery is that they would do three small laparoscopic cuts and one larger incision to remove the colon and rectum through. If they had difficulties, they would make that incision larger for a hand assist or would have to do a large ribs-to-pelvis incision. In my case, I have no large incisions! They did the entire thing laparoscopically! My surgeon hadn’t even mentioned that to me beforehand as a possibility. But he said that because I’m young and in good shape, they were able to do it. My anesthesiologist said that my surgery was one of the technically best he had ever seen. Praise God! Dr. Clifford Simmang is now akin to Superman in my eyes. I hope you never need to have any of your guts removed, but if you do, go to him!

Also, my recovery is going very well. Apparently it usually takes a couple of days for your digestive system to get functioning again after surgery like this, so my nurses were surprised when my ileostomy was up and running just a few hours after my surgery. My nurse yesterday said I’m doing a great job of getting up by myself, and a home healthcare representative came by and said that I might be discharged earlier than expected. Yesterday, my anesthesiologist asked if I had been able to eat anything and keep it down, such as Jell-o. When I told him I had actually had a pork chop and mashed sweet potatoes for lunch, he was amazed. For such a hard thing, everything is going better than I could have hoped for. Is God good, or what?

I have been so blessed by my visitors, and several extra chairs have had to be pulled into my room to accommodate. A couple of times my nurses have come in to take my vitals and have commented that it looked like I was having a party in here. God has been so good to me in this. I was worried that since I was having my surgery in Dallas it would be harder for people to come visit, so I am extremely thankful that so many friends are making the effort to come here and see me. My wonderful husband has been at my side constantly and has not complained once about the many things I have asked him to help me with. Also, Evie seems to be having a wonderful time with my mom at a nearby hotel. I was so encouraged when I got to visit with her yesterday at one of the sitting areas here. She was laughing and smiling and crawling all over the place. Praise God that my absence has not been too hard on her!

Of course, there are some hard things. I am in pain, yes, but it is manageable. I had one rather embarrassing exploding ileostomy bag incident while I was taking one of my victory laps around the floor, and I am very done with being woken up at 3:30am to have my blood drawn. Nurses are hit or miss. I actually got so frustrated waiting around for one of my nurses to come and empty my ileostomy bag that I just started doing it myself. They were a bit surprised, but they’re okay with me doing it as long as I record the volume of my output. I feel like it’s one of my few ways to be a little feisty, so I’m doing it. Every time I do something for myself that they haven’t actually given me permission to do yet, there’s this tiny feeling of sticking it to the man. I like it.

The next three months with my ileostomy will require some adjustment, but it’s not too bad. An ostomy nurse came by yesterday and talked to me, and as she said, I didn’t want one, I never expected to have one, but it saved my life. It’s a little weird looking at my belly and seeing part of my small intestine sticking out, but it helps to know that this is just a temporary thing until I have my second surgery. Even if I had to have it the rest of my life, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

I so appreciate all of your prayers, and I ask that you continue to pray for my recovery and my adjustment period as I get back to life at home sometime in the next few days. I know some things will be very hard, but God is gracious. He has gotten me through this far, and His mercies are new every morning. May God continue to bless you and your neighbor through you!

Tomorrow

allisonkami — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 03:08:37 +0000

Well, here I am. I’m sitting in our hotel room close to the hospital and just got off the phone with my anesthesiologist who gave me the rundown of what’s going to happen tomorrow morning. I’m feeling a little queasy from the bowel prep I had to drink, but I’m starting to feel like a pro at this. By the way, if you ever want to feel like a daredevil, drive from Denton to Dallas while drinking about two weeks worth of laxative. Dangerous!

I’ve been overwhelmed by everyone’s generosity and encouragement during this time. We are blessed beyond measure. I really just want to thank all of you who have been praying for me faithfully. There have certainly been some rough times emotionally, especially this last week. But yesterday, my church family gathered around me and prayed for me, and I truly felt more at peace than I have in probably a month. Sometimes prayer changes the situation, but I think more often it changes us. That, perhaps, is the greater miracle. This has been a hard time, and I suspect that at times I have truly been depressed. Sometimes it’s been hard to look forward with anything other than dread. But God has never stopped being good to me. Thank you for being an instrument of his blessing to me.

I’ll leave you with some lyrics by one of my favorite songwriters, Sara Groves:

I believe in a blessing I don’t understand
I’ve seen rain fall on wicked and the just
Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us

I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
That broken find healing in love
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us

I will open my hands, will open my heart
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me

I believe in a fountain that will never dry
Though I’ve thirsted and didn’t have enough
Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us

I will open my hands, will open my heart
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me

January 24th

allisonkami — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 18:18:18 +0000

January 24th: The day I say bye-bye to my colon. This past week, I struggled to make a decision regarding what surgery to have, and now it is decided and on the calendar. Here is the best analogy I have come up with for making this decision: There are two extremely unsavory meal options before you. Let’s say, oh, live worms and something unidentifiable and moldy. You could say, thank you very much, but I’m not hungry, except for the fact that there’s a man holding a gun to your head who will shoot you if you don’t eat one. So, both options are better than being shot. You just have to decide which one is the lesser evil. Since you’re going to have to eat one of them, you start to calculate the nutritional value of both. You might as well be objective about this. That’s what the last week has been like. I have made my decision, though, and now it just comes down to eating the stuff. Or, in my case, having surgery to form the lower part of my small intestines into what they call a J-pouch, having a temporary ileostomy, and then going back in for another surgery in about three months to reconnect the plumbing, so to speak. This seems like the best option for me, but it is not without downsides and risks. What’s hard is that I feel fine now, and this surgery will mean feeling far from fine for quite some time. Sometimes I feel a bit in denial about needing this at all. As one of my doctors put it, though, there is a “silent killer” inside me, and I need to get it out. That would be the man with the gun.

A few other updates: I got my CT scan results back, and everything looks clear. Praise God! The biopsy results came back from my GI tract scope as well, and they were slightly less clear. There were some polyps in my stomach, which is pretty normal, but the pathology report came back saying that there has been some cell change in those polyps. So while they are not cancerous yet, they may not be as benign as previously thought. Instead of having another GI scope in five years, they want me to have another in just one year. So while it is a matter of some concern, it isn’t of “we need to do surgery on your stomach immediately” concern. That’s nice. I think one such organ is quite enough for right now.

The last couple of days have been a bit hard emotionally as I’ve had to face the reality that this surgery is going to happen. I think one of the hardest things is knowing that my time in the hospital and recuperating is going to be hard on our daughter, who is just hitting the clingy I-need-Mommy stage. I keep reminding myself, though, that by being away from her for a little while now, I have a much better shot at being there for her and any other children God gives us for the long run. It’s either surgery now or cancer later. As hard as it is, I’ll take the surgery.

Thank you so much for your prayers. Those prayers and the grace of God give me my greatest hope of getting through all of this safe, sound, and sane. I was recently reminded that we do not only come to God as our lord, but also as our father. Not only is He in control, but He cares. He listens, and He is for us. He hates disease and illness; it is one of the things that He will make right in the end. He is ever our greatest hope. May God, our Father, bless you and your neighbor through you today!

Answered Prayers

allisonkami — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 03:25:42 +0000

Praise God! The results of my upper GI tract scope this morning were the best we could have hoped for. Though my doctor took a few biopsies, he said that he didn’t see any reasons for alarm in that area of my body. In fact, it looked downright normal! This is a huge praise, as some of the possible genetic diseases that are up for consideration would also cause cancer in the upper GI tract. My gastroenterologist thinks I should get regularly scoped (about every five years), but at this point I look in the clear. My CT scan results should be in on Monday, and hopefully that will confirm that the only real issue right now is my colon. The colon is enough; it would be amazing to not require surgery or treatment anywhere else at this point!

Once again, Martha proved to be a friend extroadinaire, showing up at our house at 4:30am to accompany us and help out with Evie. She then stuck around our house afterward to cook us dinner. If you know Martha, feel blessed. She is amazing. My good friend Rachael was also a godsend today, letting us crash at her house in Arlington between tests and hooking me up with some of the tools I will need to continue breastfeeding Evie through all of this craziness. We also returned home to find a bag with a loaf of pretty amazing homemade bread hanging on our front door from an unknown benefactor. You know who you are. Thank you.

Low point of the day would definitely be the prep drink for the CT scan. It tasted alright on the way down, but not so much on the way back up. All three times. In the car. At 60 mph. Generous amounts of Lysol and some go-overs with a garden hose are definitely in my car’s very near future.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and Taylor and I are looking forward to a weekend of no doctor appointments and no tests. I’m sure there will be enough to worry about come Monday, but for now, I am more than ready to celebrate our Savior’s birth and enjoy our first Christmas with Evie. As one Christmas carol states:

“And ye, beneath life’s crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow,
Look now! for glad and golden hours
come swiftly on the wing.
O rest beside the weary road,
And hear the angels sing!”

I hope you also find rest in our Lord. Merry Christmas, and may God bless you and your neighbor through you!

Prayers and Praise

allisonkami — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 04:03:45 +0000

Here is a brief update before I go to bed in preparation of a very early start of the day tomorrow. At my appointment this morning, my doctor went over the results of the colonoscopy, including the fact that the many biopsies she took all came back as precancerous. Yes, that means that if left alone, they will become cancer, but they are not yet! Praise God! From what we know so far, it looks like we have caught this in the nick of time. Because they are so close to becoming cancerous, however, she told us she wanted to move fast with my treatment. In fact, she had made an appointment for me to meet with a gastroenterologist in Grapevine that afternoon. So after we left her office, we picked up Evie, had lunch, and then headed to Grapevine. There we met with a great gastroenterologist who I feel very good about. He has experience diagnosing these sorts of genetic diseases and knew what steps we needed to take next. So after being poked and prodded, my blood is on its way to be tested for exactly what genetic disorder I have (there are a few related possibilities) and I am scheduled for an upper GI tract scope tomorrow morning at 7am (have to be there at 6am) and a CT scan directly following. Here are a few points I would love your prayer for:

- That the scope and CT scan tomorrow would reveal that my genetic disorder has not caused dangerous growths anywhere else in my body.

- That we would have wisdom to make the right decisions regarding my treatment. There are a few different options for my surgery, and we need to spend some time weighing out the pros and cons.

- That God would be gracious to us in the area of future children. One thing I was not expecting today was how often the issue of fertility would come up. My fertility is definitely at risk. With the surgery comes substantial risk of damage to my ovaries and fallopian tubes, and depending on the genetic results, there’s a good chance I will need a complete hysterectomy with ovary removal sooner rather than later as I am at extremely high risk of developing cancer in those areas. This has probably caused me the most emotional distress today. I praise God, though, for giving us Evie. What a blessing to have been able to have her before all of this started! It does seem like our conversation about adoption may be expedited by all of this.

A few blessings from today and great evidence of all of your prayers:

- My good friend Martha was able to come with us to the appointment this morning and then came along with us to Grapevine to help out with Evie while I was getting tests done. She is also going with us tomorrow for the scope and CT scan. What a gift to have friends like this, who don’t mind having their entire day hijacked to hang out in doctor’s offices and hospitals!

- Evie is a wonderful baby. She was not fussy at all today and was the darling of the Grapevine office’s waiting area. All of the nurses were taking turns holding her, and I overheard them talking about her in the halls while I was getting tests done. I praise God that she has such an easy temperament and sleeps well on the move. This whole process would be so much harder otherwise!

- We were very, very late for my appointment in Grapevine due to construction and traffic, and we were unable to reach anyone in the doctor’s office to tell them we were on our way. The doctor, however, put off going Christmas shopping for his wife to wait around forty-five minutes for us to show up. He was five minutes away from leaving when we finally reached his office. Praise God that he waited and was so gracious with us!

- They did not find cancer! Hallelujah!

Well, I said this would be brief, but alas, it is not. It is most certainly bedtime, and I am exhausted. Thank you so much for all of your prayers! Please keep them coming. They are not in vain. May God bless you and your neighbor through you!

Even If He Does Not

allisonkami — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 05:48:49 +0000

My appointment is at 10:40am tomorrow, so shortly I should know a bit more about what the future holds. In the meantime, though, I have been blown away by the sheer number of people praying for me. As my father put it tonight (approximately), “I don’t know how these things work, but if quantity of prayer matters, I think you’re covered.” Indeed! Scripture says that where two or three are gathered in the Lord’s name, He is there with them (Matthew 18:20). Tonight, six of my friends gathered to pray in my house, and I know many, many more have been praying elsewhere. I’ve been told I’m on prayer lists at churches whose names I have never even heard. There is no doubt that God is here.

As I wait for my appointment tomorrow, this passage comes to mind:

¹⁶ Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. ¹⁸ But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” Daniel 3:16-18

“Even if he does not.” That is what I find so impressive about those three men. They knew God was able. They just didn’t know if He would. But they were not going to let the circumstances, no matter how grim, steal their faith. I told my husband tonight that I feel like I have wrapped my mind around the idea of the surgery, and I’m okay with it. A cancer diagnosis, however, would be a pretty hard hit. So now I find myself staring into my own furnace, knowing that God is able but not knowing if He will. I know He can deliver me. But even if He does not, may I still trust Him as fully as I ever have and more.

The Lord has commanded us to pray, and He would not command us to do something that was a waste of time. I do not know how God is moving, but I know He is. Our prayers are not futile; our labor in the Lord is not in vain. I thank you from the depths of my heart for laboring on my behalf. The Lord listens, and He is here. Praise the Lord!

May God continue to bless you and your neighbor through you, for you have certainly blessed me!

Rejoice in the Lord. Always.

allisonkami — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 04:06:51 +0000

Well, I find that an update is necessary. Life is changing for me, and I’m not even sure how much yet. But I want to write what I know so far for one major reason: I need your prayers.

This past Tuesday, I had a colonoscopy. Maybe a bit unusual for someone my age (I just turned 27 on Saturday), but I had some symptoms that seemed to warrant it. Nothing major, but just enough to get me to the doctor. My doctor didn’t seem to think it was anything too serious, but wanted to check me out. I went into the colonoscopy thinking the worst case scenario was celiac disease (gluten intolerance). I thought I would leave that day with perhaps some instructions on dietary changes.

My pleasant anesthesia-induced grogginess in recovery was unfortunately cut short by some much harder news. This is how I remember it: They had found more polyps than they could count in my colon. My colon would have to be removed. We needed to wait on biopsy results to make sure it was still precancerous. The most likely explanation was a rare genetic disease that results in colorectal cancer 100% of the time. A complete colectomy is the only treatment. They would try to reconstruct a substitute colon out of my small intestine, but otherwise I’d have a permanent external bag. We would be referred to a genetic therapist to see if our now 7-month-old daughter had inherited the disease from me. We needed to do blood work, CT scan, GI tract scope. My doctor absolutely needed to see me next week. I should try to just enjoy each day until then.

Suddenly, celiac disease wasn’t the worst case scenario anymore.

Here it is in a nutshell. Somewhere inside me, something has gone terribly wrong. My body, left to its own devices, is a ticking time bomb with a short timer. And the only way to diffuse it is to literally gut it.

My next appointment is Thursday morning, and I should get the biopsy results then. Basically, I should find out if I get to keep my hair while I go through the process of losing my colon. Waiting is hard, but it’s not like I haven’t had some good days. Cinnamon rolls have been dropped off at the house, friends have come over for impromptu game nights, we’ve taken family walks in the park, and ridiculous amounts of cheesecake have been consumed. In general, I’ve tried to keep my mind off of things, and friends have been obliged to help. I know mobs of people are praying for me, and that means the world to me. And here’s how I’m really getting by:

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Please pray for me. Pray for healing. Pray for my doctor’s wisdom and skill. Pray that Evie will never have to deal with this. But most of all, pray that I would rejoice in the Lord today and every day, that He would receive all glory, for He alone is worthy. He is the Great Physician and Lord of All, including, as ridiculous as it sounds, my colon. What happens next is completely out of my control but completely in His. And that, as hard as this all is, should be good enough for me.

Thank you. And may God bless you and your neighbor through you today.

Who Is My Neighbor?

allisonkami — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 18:46:37 +0000

There’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while and will attempt to write about here, but before I begin, I want to make sure that what I have to say does not come across as insensitive or callous. So first, let me say that it is good and right for us to commemorate the September 11th attacks. It is good for us to remember the dead and mourn them. The attacks were a tragedy, and the pursuit of justice for those attacks is not, in my estimation, unwarranted.

So then, here is what I’ve been thinking about.

This past Sunday, America observed the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks. My Facebook news feed was full of people reminiscing about where they were, what they were doing when they became aware of the attacks. “Never Forget” was on many business’ and church’s signs around town. Ten years, and still so much is different because of that day. We are still fighting two wars as a result of the “War on Terror” spurred on by those attacks. Air travel will never be the same, and not in a good way. Whenever we flew up to Pennsylvania for Labor Day weekend, I felt a little hint of suspicion when I saw an Arab man in a turban in the security line ahead of me (that is to my shame). 2,996 people died in those attacks, and I have no doubt that we will never forget.

15,782 are confirmed dead and 4,086 people are still missing as a result of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan earlier this year.

9,795 people die each day from water-related diseases.

Approximately 29,000 children under the age of 5 have died in the Somalia famine (August 4th estimate, so probably many more now).

10,172 – 12,969 Afghan civilians have been directly killed in Operation Enduring Freedom.

102,417 – 111,938 Iraqi civilians have been killed in Operation Iraqi Freedom. (Records of this have not been kept well, so it may be many more.)

To put numbers like these in perspective, it helps me to convert them into 9/11s with one 9/11 equaling approximately 3,000 deaths. For example, more than three 9/11s happen every day because of unclean drinking water. Somewhere between 34 and 37 9/11s of solely civilians have happened during Operation Iraqi Freedom. Almost ten 9/11s of children just under the age of 5 have happened in the Somali famine.

What would America do if the equivalent of ten 9/11s-worth of American children under the age of 5 died in an event? We would go to war. We would change policy. We would mourn and weep and remember and commemorate.

What does America do when the same happens in Somalia? Yes, we send aid. But ironically, our counter-terrorist policy in Somalia is preventing that aid from getting to the people in need. So, our efforts to protect ourselves are preventing us from helping Somalia. In other words, policy in place largely because of the death of 3,000 now prevented us from helping save 29,000 young Somali children.

In Susan Moeller’s book Compassion Fatigue she quotes this statement: “In the news business, one dead fireman in Brooklyn is worth five English bobbies, who are worth fifty Arabs, who are worth five hundred Africans.” Lest this sound ridiculous to you, think about how the nearly 3,000 Americans killed on 9/11 received much more press than the over one million Rwandans who were killed in the 1994 genocide. Another example: Our war in Iraq has claimed nearly forty times more Iraqi civilians than Americans who were killed in the 9/11 attacks. Maybe in our eyes one American is worth about fifty Arabs.

²⁹ Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. ³⁰ And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’³¹ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Mark 12:29-31

Who is our neighbor? Are the Japanese? The Iraqis? The Afghans? The Rwandans? The Somalis?

Yes.

Than why do we not love them as we love ourselves? Why do we not turn the world upside down to save them? Why do we not remember their dead as we remember our own? Why will we never forget 9/11 but we gloss over our neighbors’ death tolls when they pop up inconveniently as we check our email? Are they too distant? Do they look too different? Is there not enough room in our hearts for them?

Am I being melodramatic? Perhaps. And is it right and good to remember the dead of 9/11? Absolutely, yes. But what would happen if we remembered the children of the Somali famine the same way? The dead of the Japanese earthquake and tsunami the same way? The dead of the wars we are still fighting the same way? What if we loved them as we love ourselves? Well, then, I think the world would change. Just like it did because of 9/11. Only, I suspect, for the better.

May we love our neighbor as we love ourselves. May we make room in our hearts for them. May we never forget them.

May God bless you and your neighbor through you.

edit: I do not do this well. This is as much for me as it is for anyone who reads this.

TVPRA Call-In Day

allisonkami — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 22:26:03 +0000

International Justice Mission is organizing a National Call-In Day to Pass the TVPRA (Trafficking Victims Protection Re-Authorization Act). The day isn’t until September 8th, but please join me in committing to call. IJM will send out reminders and a sample script as the day approaches. May God bless you and others through you today!