January 24th

January 24th: The day I say bye-bye to my colon.  This past week, I struggled to make a decision regarding what surgery to have, and now it is decided and on the calendar.  Here is the best analogy I have come up with for making this decision: There are two extremely unsavory meal options before you.  Let’s say, oh, live worms and something unidentifiable and moldy.  You could say, thank you very much, but I’m not hungry, except for the fact that there’s a man holding a gun to your head who will shoot you if you don’t eat one.  So, both options are better than being shot.  You just have to decide which one is the lesser evil.  Since you’re going to have to eat one of them, you start to calculate the nutritional value of both.  You might as well be objective about this.  That’s what the last week has been like.  I have made my decision, though, and now it just comes down to eating the stuff.  Or, in my case, having surgery to form the lower part of my small intestines into what they call a J-pouch, having a temporary ileostomy, and then going back in for another surgery in about three months to reconnect the plumbing, so to speak.  This seems like the best option for me, but it is not without downsides and risks.  What’s hard is that I feel fine now, and this surgery will mean feeling far from fine for quite some time.  Sometimes I feel a bit in denial about needing this at all.  As one of my doctors put it, though, there is a “silent killer” inside me, and I need to get it out.  That would be the man with the gun.

A few other updates: I got my CT scan results back, and everything looks clear.  Praise God!  The biopsy results came back from my GI tract scope as well, and they were slightly less clear.  There were some polyps in my stomach, which is pretty normal, but the pathology report came back saying that there has been some cell change in those polyps.  So while they are not cancerous yet, they may not be as benign as previously thought.  Instead of having another GI scope in five years, they want me to have another in just one year.  So while it is a matter of some concern, it isn’t of “we need to do surgery on your stomach immediately” concern.  That’s nice.  I think one such organ is quite enough for right now.

The last couple of days have been a bit hard emotionally as I’ve had to face the reality that this surgery is going to happen.  I think one of the hardest things is knowing that my time in the hospital and recuperating is going to be hard on our daughter, who is just hitting the clingy I-need-Mommy stage.  I keep reminding myself, though, that by being away from her for a little while now, I have a much better shot at being there for her and any other children God gives us for the long run.  It’s either surgery now or cancer later.  As hard as it is, I’ll take the surgery.

Thank you so much for your prayers.  Those prayers and the grace of God give me my greatest hope of getting through all of this safe, sound, and sane.  I was recently reminded that we do not only come to God as our lord, but also as our father.  Not only is He in control, but He cares.  He listens, and He is for us.  He hates disease and illness; it is one of the things that He will make right in the end.  He is ever our greatest hope.  May God, our Father, bless you and your neighbor through you today!

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